My Daughter is Married!!!

Oh my gosh,.... I've never experienced ANYTHING like this before...... i know it's been awhile since I've been here. Lots of change. After being laid off 2 jobs I started working from home and doing freelance marketing. Little by little things are coming together.

The most exciting thing lately is that my daughter and her boyfriend, Danny Bruggeman (whom she met in college) announced their engagement around Valentines Day. Since then we have been enjoying a flurry of activity in preparation for the "Big Day." It was October 17th - just two days ago. Both my daughter and Danny have graduated from college. Meghan is now a Youth Minister. Danny is also going to be doing ministry work. They are two of the most amazing people with the most generous and sweetest hearts I know (and I would say that even if Meghan wasn't my daughter !!)

Anyway, my parents and I made it through the weekend ok, with just a few "glitches" (like me locking myself out of my hotel room not once, but TWICE!!! and trying to iron the jacket to my dress and it ended up "puckering" on one side! and getting by on 30 minutes of sleep and noticing as I'm getting ready for the ceremony that "OH BOY!!! I have my period!!!" "Why am I still menstruating?? And why today?? )

The wedding was incredibly beautiful. SHE was amazingly beautiful. Her and Danny were both so fully present during the ceremony. You could see that they were so engaged with each other and with everyone! They were on the alter the whole time facing us and the pastors (they had 5 pastors!) were below them, in front of the alter with their backs to us so that we could see Danny and Meg throughout the entire ceremony. (as opposed to weddings I've been to where you see the pastor but the bride and groom have their backs to you until it comes to the part where they exchange rings and kiss and then are introduced). Such a huge difference. The musicians were friends from college and they were awesome. I heard the female musician singing "Here Am I" and it sounded to me like she was singing "Here I am, God.... willing to submit myself totally and completely to Your will through this union with this man."

When I walked in the door of my condo after everything was over it hit me, ... "My daughter is married." I started to cry and I cried and cried. I didn't expect to feel what I was feeling!! I think I was "holding up" thru the weekend and then allowed myself to relax when it was over. I called her dad and thankfully he could relate quite compassionately. It's wonderful to have a good relationship with her dad because no matter who I would have talked to, it wouldn't have been the same. No one else would have known what it's like to parent Meghan except him. And I am really grateful for our conversation.

Looking back on it, I was there with the "details and concerns." I allowed myself some room to "feel" it, but not fully. If I could do it all over again, I would be there conscious of the details but hopefully less consumed by them and able to take it in with my whole heart instead of it hitting me now. Somehow I feel like I kindof cheated myself a little. On the other hand I wouldn't have wanted to look like I needed the help of a rescue team and a resuscitator!!

So, I don't think I'm alone. I have "let her go" when she graduated, when she became a minister, when she lived in Mexico for 3 months, etc. But for some reason, this feels different. Anyway, if anyone has similar experiences they would like to share with me I would love to hear them. My heart is filled with compassion for moms (and dads) who have witnessed these beautiful ceremonies of their precious sons and daughters and can't figure out why they feel what they feel afterwards!